A Pebble in Brother’s Heart
(In memory of the 13-year-old Chinese teenage girl murdered in Burnaby, BC, Canada one year ago. The poem was written from the perspective of her brother.)
That year when I was ten
You’re about to be born
Looking at Mom’s big tummy
I was wondering
When you’d be coming out
What you’d look like
If you’d snatch the toys I liked
On that early rainy morning
You’re finally born
When Dad took me to see you
My heart was pounding with excitement
Your tiny little body
And round little face
Grasped all my affections
Your crystal clear eyes
Quietly looking at me
Little Rain we seemed to have known each other for a thousand years
You were an angel, my most loved
We would be brother and sister this whole life
No – not just for one life
You’re growing day by day
Always with a sweet smile on your face
The way you called me Brother
Made me feel as magnificent as a mountain
I would use my arms
To protect your growth
Let none do you wrong – not even a bit
This year you became a teenager
Your mind sometimes like a little deer
Would run wild without much thinking
Mom told me
Girls of that age behaved like that
But you never got angry at Brother
Always like a spring breeze welcoming the rising sun
Nevertheless, it’s several days ago
When I was in China
That I received your unexpected phone call
Asking for the measurements of my shirt
I knew you might want to make me one
Cause recently you’re infatuated with tailoring
A moment later
I called you back
No one answered
I anxiously dialed the number over and over and over again
Never heard from you again since then
I had never thought of that
That would be the last time to hear your voice
You were taken away by the beast mercilessly
A life of flowery age
I can’t and wouldn’t dare to imagine
How you spent your last moments
You didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to family
You didn’t get a chance to let Brother take another look at you
You didn’t get a chance to go to high school and university
You didn’t get a chance to taste the sweetness of love
You didn’t get a chance to be a mother
All beauty that life would give
You had no chance to enjoy
Your life stopped suddenly
On that scorching dull summer day
Come pouring rain
Say goodbye to my Little Rain
Make people think
Why tragedies would happen
In this country with pastoral scenery
Why Evil would wander about
In the beautiful Central Park of Burnaby
What we should do
To stop the dark clouds from spreading across the sky of blue sapphire
No matter what
You are gone and will never come back again
From then on, a pebble laid in my heart
No one would have it removed
May you rest in peace
There are no tears in heaven, no separation, no sorrow
May God come in person to comfort you
Let your joyful songs echo in the universe
And help Brother remove that pebble
哥哥心上的砾石
序：
为纪念一年前在加拿大卑诗省本拿比市遇害的十三岁的华裔花季少女而作，文中拟以其兄的角度悼念她。
我十岁那年
你快要出生了
看着妈妈的大肚子
我好奇，我期盼
你什么时候出来呀
你会长什么样儿
你会抢我喜爱的玩具吗？
在那个下雨的清晨
你终于出生了
爸爸领着我去看你
我激动得心砰砰跳
躺在妈妈怀里的你
娇小的身躯
圆圆的小脸
令人心生爱怜
一双水晶一样的眼睛
静静地看着我
好像我们认识了千年
是小雨带来了你，你就叫小雨
你是天使 你是至爱 你是我的妹妹
我们是兄妹，一生一世
不 一生一世也不够
你一天天长大
甜甜的笑 总停留在你的脸上
你叫我哥哥的样子
让我感觉像高山一样雄伟
我愿用我的臂膀
呵护你慢慢成长
不让你受一点点委屈
今年 你已是花季少女
你的心有时会像一只小鹿
傻傻地横冲直撞
妈妈告诉我
这么大的女孩子都这样
但你从来不和哥哥怄气
总是一脸的春风迎着朝阳
几天前
我在中国
突然接到你的电话
你问我T恤的尺寸
我知道你要为我设计一件
因为你最近迷上了裁剪
过一会儿
我打回电话
没人接听
我重新拨号
没有你的声音
我开始焦急 一遍遍不停的拨号
还是没有你的声音
我无论如何也想不到
那竟然是我最后一次听到你的声音
禽兽无情地夺走了
你花一般的生命
你
没来得及上高中 上大学
没来得及 体尝爱情甜蜜
没来得及 浪漫婚礼 为人之母
没来得及和亲人告别
没来得及和视你为天使的哥哥告别
人生中一切美好的享有，都没来得及
你的生命就戛然而止
戛然而止……
在那个炎热沉闷的夏日
啊 来一场电闪雷鸣的暴雨吧
为我的小雨送行
呼唤人们去思考：
为什么悲剧会出现在
这个牧歌一样的国度？
为什么罪恶会徘徊于
美丽的本拿比中央公园？
为什么阴云会密布
这湛蓝的天空？
小雨
你走了 不会回来了
从此 哥哥的心里压上了一块砾石
沉甸甸的砾石
谁也挪不动它
小雨
愿你在天国里安息
那里没有眼泪 没有别离 没有伤痛
愿上帝亲自来安慰你
使你欢快的歌声回荡苍穹
愿你时常来到哥哥的梦里
帮哥哥挪走那沉甸甸的砾石